Ughhhh. Today was not a good day. Major weight loss setback.

Things started off well enough yesterday. I began my day with a generous slice of crustless bacon, spinach and cheese quiche. Then, I consumed massive amounts of ham and asparagus.  Later in the day I made turkey chili with black beans. I would have used ground beef but all we had in the freezer was ground turkey. It tasted pretty good so I helped myself to another 2 servings.

However, here is when I think we ran into some problems….. I was going to my friends highly anticipated 40th bday party at Brooklyn Bowl. For those of you who don’t know (myself included, I had to google the place before I left the house), Brooklyn Bowl is a quasi bowling alley, bar, nightclub, dance place emporium with decent food and great music. Last night was 80’s night (my absolute favorite decade) and they featured some really good eighties cover bands. The band “White Wedding.” started off the night and  even though there were very few people “dancing to the oldies”, me and the birthday girl started cutting the rug in between bowling gutter after gutter.

Bowling is recently enjoying a new renaissance. More and more hip and happening people have re-discovered the fine art of bowling. The thing with bowling is that it does not make a difference if you can actually hit the pins. The important thing is that you look good doing it. However, there are a myriad of skills that need to be mastered to become a successful bowler.

First off, bowling is one of the few “sports” that require specialized shoes in order to participate. Your dirty old tennis shoes and stinky sneakers just will not do. In order to be even allowed on the perfectly polished bowling alley, you must don the requisite bowling shoes. Now the bowling shoe is another story unto itself. This mysterious shop worn, cracked leather, flat lace up shoe can make any fine diva look downright dowdy. There is absolutely no way to look sexy in bowling shoes. Cute yes, but sexy, NO. However that is another story unto itself. The fact that these shoes have been worn by countless thousand of feet over the years is something I try not dwell upon. In fact the worst feeling is to don your clean and cool feet into a pair freshly worn, warm and damp (from the recent spritz of some type of germ killer – I hope) bowling shoes. Who knows who was wearing those shoes last???? Who’s feet were in here last? Do they have any fungal infections, athletes foot, any cists and/or bleeding blisters??? My suggestion is not think about it too much and just go with the flow.

Lest I forget, you also must always remember to bring a pair of your own socks. This little known fact often needs to be spelled out again and again as it was clearly written in the post script of the invitation – P.S.  don’t forget to bring a pair of socks. Wearing bowling shoes without socks is a big fat no-no. Even people who would are extremely lax about personal hygiene (and you know who you are) would never dream of slipping  their naked feet into a pair of god knows who wore those shoes last, bowling shoes. Even the homeless man on my corner would seriously frown upon putting your unprotected, ungloved toes into those foreign vessels.  Dont even get me started about the repugnancy of naked sweaty feet in a shoe that has had hundreds if not thousand of bed fellows, as it is beyond repulsive to think about. This blog is about my love of food and I certainly do not want to turn anybody’s stomach unnecessarily. Bottom line, bring socks and make sure they match and do not have any embarrassing holes.

Once you have the footgear settled, then you need to master the ancient art of selecting the correct bowling ball. You need to make sure that your ball is not too heavy nor too light. The size of the holes in the ball is another very important detail. If the holes are too small, you risk the danger of your fingers getting stuck in the ball and popping your arm out of the socket when you bowl. If the holes are too large, you risk beheading  the people behind you on the alley as your fingers may slip out during mid swing. The placement of the fingers in the carefully selected ball involves much skill and careful concentration. It is the middle and ring finger that goes in the top 2 hole and the thumb in the big one.

On top of those tasks that must be mastered, arguably the hardest part of the game starts. I often head for the hills at this point as I leave this task to the younger and more computer literate members of the group. Entering all the names of the players on the blindingly bright overhead monitor involves intense concentration, excellence in fine motor skills and a firm grasp of the English language.  “How do you spell your name again? Is there one “n” or two in your name” whereas each error in spelling is embarrassingly blasted across the screen for everyone to see.

Once you have been properly outfitted and entered into the system, then this is where the fun starts. As mentioned earlier, it really does not matter if you actually hit the pins as long as you look good trying too. You need to confidently approach the alley with the ball firmly in hand, carefully but purposefully swing the ball back, and then gracefully release the ball with as little a THUD as possible. A dramatic back curtsey when you release the ball is always a crowd pleaser. I successfully bowled 3 games in the 50’s and looked dam good doing it.

The evening started off innocently enough with just a few cocktails ordered for the table and the requisite pitcher of beer. However things took a turn for the worse (for my figure that is,) when we soon discovered that the manager of this bowling emporium was the long lost high school sweetheart of our very own birthday girl. When this couple reunited after over 20 years later, it was like a dream sequence in the movies. Cue sound….the birds were singing, the flowers were waving in the wind and the tequila shots starting coming, and coming and never seemed to stop. Trying to impress his lady-love, our hero of the evening sent out pitchers of Margaritas and dozens upon dozens of tequila shots. Now tequila by itself has very few calories and carbs, but when that tequila is added to Margarita mix, that’s when the problems start. I for one cannot drink tequila straight. I know I am definitely committing a sin to those  connoisseurs of fine liquors but even Patron Silver, as smooth as it is, needs to be mixed with Margarita mix for me.

Countless margaritas later along with amazingly good fried chicken – hot, crispy and surprisingly not greasy, yummy mashed potatoes – dense, rich and goooood, and corn on the cob –looked good but I did not want to worry about picking the kernels out of my teeth, and I was in food heaven. Unfortunately the I LOVE FOOD DIET became a distant blur as I ate, drank and danced the night away.

Could I just continue eating what I want, as much as I want whenever I want??? Could I wake up tomorrow morning with the scale magically bearing a lower number to my hung over face? Well…unfortunately the answer is no. To my horror and not too shocked self, my scale angrily rebounded with a number several pounds more than the day before! What was it? Was it (a) the fried chicken? Was it (b) the mashed potatoes? Or was it (c) the never-ending margaritas? Unfortunately I am afraid the answer was (d) all of the above.

Brooklyn Bowl is a great place to eat, drink and be merry, however the losing weight part does not apply. When I go back , I’ll try to stick with the bowling and straight cocktails (i.e. not infused with very sugary and fattening mixers). I’ll report back to you the results. Hopefully they will be better.